This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
