Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
