maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
