I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
