I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We need to get me chipped asap
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
