I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
