maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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