Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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