I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize