Soap is not a condiment
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
