I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
