Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
