Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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