I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
