mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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