you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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