I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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