im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
