Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
