nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
