Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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