i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
