K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
