Say something about gay babies.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
