Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
