Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
