my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
