This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
