he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
