ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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