You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
