Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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