He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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