Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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