12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
