It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
