3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
