So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
