It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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