the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
