Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
