you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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