This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
