I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
