I didn't shave. On purpose
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
