if i can run in heels then i can drive
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
