Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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