i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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