You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
