There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
