The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
