This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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