So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
