here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
