Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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