Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We had sex on a dog bed..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
