Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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