why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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