I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
