Your dad touched me again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
