I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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