I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
