When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
