I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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