Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
